Summer of Goodbyes

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." - Author Unknown

On July 1, 2011, approximately ten minutes before 11 o'clock that night, I lost my last remaining grandparent. My Grandpa, died surrounded by all of his children, most of his grandchildren, and two of his great grand children. It was probably one of the most emotional wringing events of my adult life.

He lived a full life of 95 years. I had the chance to say goodbye to Lolo and that memory does bring me comfort. A week later, we buried him with my Grandma. Now they are together.

Before we closed the casket, all the grandkids wrote him letters. April knitted him a small amigurumi rabbit. I pinned that along with all our letters on his jacket. Nate wrote Lolo a letter too but he wont tell me what he wrote down. He said he made a promise. I know better than to ask.

Three days after we buried my Grandpa, my oldest Uncle became seriously ill and was hospitalized. He hung on for almost a month but due to pre-existing health issues and his weak constitution he passed away at the end of August.

A double whammy for our small clan. We were already devastated by the loss of my Grandpa but with the death of my Uncle Bernard the devastation turned into a terrible tragedy.

Our finances stretched to the limit, a decision was made to cremate Uncle Bernard's remains and send his ashes home to his children. My Aunt went back home to the island a couple of weeks ago and had him interred in their family crypt. He is now home.

It's been a difficult summer. Which explains why I haven't been updating the blog and toy buying is at an all time low. We are quietly mourning, coping with the loss and moving on with our lives.

The holidays are coming up and it will be lonely one. Lolo was always here at my house to celebrate Christmas. He always started the feasting with a prayer.

I miss him a lot and think of him often.

A Quick Update

Well, forget about any further SDCC 2011 update. I already forgot the finer details of the Con. Just too many things have been happening in our personal life within a span of July to September.

I'll speak about it at a later time. When I am ready.

I can however, share some unfortunate news about the stray cats we take care of. We lost Lee and MomCat. Lee to injuries suffered from possibly being hit by a car. He survived but his injuries were extensive and we had no choice but to put him to sleep.

At the same time MomCat was not feeling well and after we took care of Lee, we took her to get checked up. She had feline coronavirus. Something she acquired when she was outside. She was at the last stages. I saw her x-ray. Her lungs were full of fluid. We also had no choice but to put her to sleep as she was suffering, unable to eat and breath properly.

MomCat was inside the house but she was isolated from our cats. Transmission is low but I still took Nodame, Dhani and Marley to get checked out to make sure. I need to call tomorrow to see what the test results are. Pickles is fully immunized so I didn't have to worry about him.

It's been a deadly year for our stray cat colony. Impostor Cat died due to being hit by a car, Lee may have died because of the same reason and now MomCat is gone due to her disease. We are down to three stray cats. When it used to be eleven.

All that's left is Dhani's Dad, Bree and Silver. I did see a small kitten Dhani's Dad drove away one night. Black with orange markings. Very hairy. I didn't see that kitten again.

On somewhat better news, purchases of the week has been ongoing but not as much as usually after SDCC, Nate and I stop buying toys for a while. I think it's because we do overload during Con. Plus we are more interested right now in making home improvements.

Nate's keeping busy with school and work and I am busy with work. I'll start updating again when things settle down and I've had time to think about everything.  

R.I.P. Impostor Cat

Nate and I had an unpleasant surprise as we headed to work this morning. As we turned the corner to exit the gate we saw Impostor Cat on the middle of the road. Nate saw her first and he was very upset. When I looked up from my phone I immediately recognized her. I didn't want to believe my eyes, but it was her.

We quickly pulled over to the curb and I ran back to the house to grab a trash bag and some gloves. We didn't want her to get run over again and we definitely did not want to leave her out there.

Nate knows I don't have a strong stomach for this so he carefully crossed the street and gently picked her up and put her in the bag. We then took her to the backyard to get a better look at her. I know it is a morbid thing to do but we needed to make sure she was not mauled by my asshole neighbor's stupid dog and thrown out on the street to throw us off.

Unfortunately, she had been hit by vehicle. Probably sometime before dawn. No signs of bite marks. Her collar was missing. Nate went back out on the street and we spotted it a few feet from where she was laying. It was undone. The impact must have knocked it off. Judging by her injuries, which was not visible, the damage was internal I can say she died instantly. I should take comfort in that but I don't. I find it extremely upsetting.

This has always been our number one fear for the stray cats we take care of. That they should cross the street. We take great pains to make sure they would not need to and provide shelter, food and water for our cat colony. But Impostor Cat has always been curious. More so than the average cat. Pickles and Dhani inherited that trait from her.

As of late, a new male cat had been coming over from across the street at night. He's a tuxedo. Mostly white with a black back. He has a dumb looking face and we named him Paul. After a Family Guy episode with Mayor West and the "catarang".

Nate said Impostor Cat may have gotten curious about him and may have attempted to follow him back. We know he comes from the houses past the field across the street.

Impostor Cat had a habit of disappearing for days at a time. No longer than three days though. We suspected she wandered but I guess she did the occasional crossing.

I can go on and on and speculate on who, why and how but it doesn't change anything. She's gone. All I know is that we are heartsick at her loss and I am angry at whoever hit her.

She was feral but she was friendly and allowed us to pet her and pick her up. She gave us Mariposa, Dhani, Tono-chan and Pickles.

Pickles is currently up North with my sister and her husband and it will be difficult to look at him as he has the exact same coloring as his mother. His face is a little different.

We have done and continue to do what we can with what is left with the colony. We are now down to four outside cats. Dhani's Dad, Silver, Lee and Bree. MomCat does not count as she lives in our house now. She occupies the guest bathroom. Paul comes by at night but not often and we do see a beautiful and large Siamese cat wandering in once in a blue moon. That one we know is a pet because he/she looks clean and well fed. Other than that only four. When there used to be many but that's what happens when you spay and neuter the colony. Eventually, there will be few cats around.

This is the last picture I took of her. As she playfully rolled around on her back in our backyard. This was taken on April 09, 2011. She was probably six years old. When we met her she was a young female. Possible even one of MomCat's kittens even.

Her body was taken to our long time veterinarian for disposal. We kept her collar and tag which I just replaced a month or so ago. She was a sweet and affectionate cat despite being feral. She will be sorely missed.

Dreams

I've always remembered my dreams. The scary ones, the funny ones and the downright weird ones, they all swirl around me like smoke as I wake up.

For the second time in my life I woke up in tears because of a dream. I can recall everything vividly, it was short.

It was a summer day, in a dark room. All the blinds are drawn, they were the horizontal ones and the sun was peeking through so there was light. It was a small bedroom. I've never seen this room but I could dimly see stuff lying around. I was napping or attempting to in the heat. The bed was small it was maybe a full size. Someone was sleeping next to me it wasn't Nate I get the strong feeling it was my mom. Everything was in a brownish light like afternoon sun.

I was on my tummy trying to sleep and in my arms was P-Chan. She was on her back. Her most favorite sleeping position. She had all her hair and she was looking at me her tail wagging and her arms folded in front of her. I gasped in surprise as even in my dreams, and I am aware I am dreaming, I knew she was gone. I held her tightly and she snuggled up putting her head under my chin and nudging with her nose. As I held her in my arms I started crying. I could feel my tears rolling down my face and getting her face wet which annoyed her as she repositioned her face to look directly into mine.

Those chocolate brown eyes, her white face and the feeling of holding her again was overwhelming and I cried harder. She was panting and looking at me like, "Why are you crying I'm trying to nap with you!"

I knew I was waking up. Because as I held her she started fading. The afternoon light that was in my dream was being replaced by dawn. I held on to her and my dream as long as I could and I woke up slowly and she faded away like one of those movie type fades and as I woke up my arms were in the same position but empty and I was in tears.

I was crying so hard that I woke up Nate in alarm and he was asking me what's wrong. It was so hard to tell him what I was dreaming about as I could still feel her in my arms.

I thought I was done crying for her. It's been almost two months. I was moving on but the loss is still as painful as the first few days without her. I've told family and friends that I am ready for another dog in the spring. But am I really? Every time I see a dog or hold one I have to fight back the tears as memories of P-Chan come pouring in.

Almost sixteen years we were together. That's a long time. I still miss her so much.

I know I am still heartsick over the loss of such a great companion but I know that even when we get another dog to share our lives with, that dog wont fill the space in my heart that P-Chan occupied. Not completely. That new dog will create her own space in my heart. (I plan to get a girl!)

I am glad I had this dream. I got to hold my baby again even though it was only for a moment.

R.I.P. Pudgy Bugoy

Unfortunately, our first post in our newly launched blog is a sad one. Earlier this morning my Aunt called our house in tears talking to my mom. I accidentally picked up the phone and they were both crying.

At first I thought something happened to my Grandpa but it turned out to be P-Chan's older brother. I was somewhat relieved it wasn't something bad about Grandpa but I am heartbroken knowing Pudgy Boy had died.

Pudgy Boy is the oldest of P-Chan's litter. He's a sweet dog but not as smart. He looks nothing like P-Chan and takes after the cute terrier their mother was. He always made me laugh when I gave him baths as he did not blink when I poured water over his head. He would just give me his blank, earnest look.

Pudgy and P-Chan have the same exact bark. If they were barking at the same time it was like echoes of little dogs barking. I remember when I first saw Pudgy. I wanted another dog like him. My Aunt said the litter had another one that looked just like him and she would get him for me. Instead I got P-Chan who was supposed to go to someone else but my Aunt insisted on having her and the rest is history.

Now all that's left is P-Chan. Everyone from her litter is gone. Now more than ever I know I have to cherish what time I have left with her.

The last few years Pudgy had been unwell. I asked my cousin Ira and she indicated Pudgy had been out of sorts the last week. I was told he did not eat at all yesterday and did not want to do anything. Before bedtime he drank a lot of water.

This morning they found him already cold. He must have died soon after bedtime. Ira said he looked like he was in deep sleep and I was thankful he passed away peacefully.

Pudgy was born on 10/23/1994 - 06/25/2009. He lived to be 14 years old despite being ill the last few years. I have a picture of him somewhere but I have to scan it. He will be sorely missed.

Oh yeah I heard Farrah Fawcett and Micheal Jackson died today too but they're not close to my heart. There's enough people blogging about them anyway.